Monday, July 18, 2011

Sorta Moved

So, I still plan on blogging here, but only few and far between. I would probably only blog about religion as well as really superficial things I just need to vent about. You know...those really suspicious blog posts that are really vague.

As for now, I want to try and start making weekly posts for my friends and familia as I will be attending college out of state and thought that was a really fun way to chronicle it. If you were to google, fordham ram battalion, I'm on the front page. I don't know if this is a good thing but the blog I'll probably end up switching to 100 percent by the end of the year is, Owl Be Happy

So, please follow me there! I didn't want to post about it here until I had made a few posts and actually did update it and so far, I'm doing well on the weekly posts which is actually pretty good for me.

Owl Be Happy
Owl Be Happy
Owl Be Happy
Owl Be Happy

<3

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Overplanning, or why some people call me type A.

When I was in sixth grade, I told myself I was going to attend the United States Military Academy. I went on to the website at least every month, checking and rechecking requirements. I knew what steps I needed to take – I just had to be in the best math class available in middle school, I needed to be on student council, and who could forget about National JUNIOR Honor Society?

By eighth grade, I had a list of required classes for entry into USMA. Each year, I would cross out the classes I completed and would forgo classes like band and art to make room for things like AP economics and AP biology.

I kept this up until senior year, where the last requirements I needed on that list was chemistry and physics.

Things changed rapidly that summer though, when I visited West Point and took a tour and did the whole Summer Leaders Seminar.

In fact, I removed my application from the pool of applicants after already receiving a presidential nomination and making appointments with my congresswomen.

Now, I am getting ready to enroll in a ROTC program at a liberal arts school that’s private and Catholic.

When I was younger, I promised myself that I would never ever let anyone come between me and school. I ended up dating the most fabulous guy, and guess what, my grades didn’t suffer and I had the time of my life. In fact, senior year was probably really nice because I did end up getting to know someone more than my usual, "hey how are you? That's great!" Instead it was, "What do you think of that, how would you do this, what's your favorite song?"

I became drum major not because it looked good on a resume but because it was my passion!

The first month of senior year, I literally cried almost every day. I did not want to join cross country! I loved running but I just couldn’t find my passion for the team, but I had promised myself I would do it! People on the team were kind but I just didn’t fit in and I just couldn’t imagine going daily and being lonely and getting sick and exhausted and having to take myself away from band. Once I paid my AIA fee, I stopped crying. I was officially on the team.

I had made a commitment.

It wasn’t my best season, but it wasn't my worst. I ran at state which was on the same day as state for band (and guess what, I made it to both).

I met a couple of new friends and got closer to both.

I did four years of cross country!

Then track season came and guess what???
I didn’t join.

I had indoor percussion season to do, and track wasn’t really my place. It is quite an honor to say that I left a program better than when I entered it. It was cool being a part of a team that I know is going to win a state title in the next 3 years.

I did something for myself though by not joining track. Now comes the hard part of self discipline and keeping in shape so that ROTC can happen. If I don’t pass the physical in September, I don’t get to go to college for another year.

So, now I need to get serious because I am not 110 percent ready for that task: one physical.
I already started spending money for college…a new calculator and new camera (that was half off) for blogging. I am working on starting a new blog for when I start my new school.
Why? Because, I think it would feel mentally refreshing to have a new blog with new rules. I plan to blog every Sunday on that one and post photos with that blog for friends and family to see what I’m up to and such. Mostly it’s for my mother and also my own benefit – it will be pretty cool to graduate from a school out of state and be able to look at all my adventures and thoughts from it all.

I’ll be sure to post a link on facebook when I start posting on that one just so all…three people…can read it…!

I am proud to say that things didn’t go according to plan despite my tediousness. I think it’s good to aim for the moon so you can land among the stars, as they say. I aimed for West Point but instead I got ROTC which makes me so happy. Not that I want West Point now, but I was able to change my mind and pick something just as fabulous. Fordham matches me. I can live as both a civilian and a cadet in the same place – wear both skirts and uniforms while going out on the weekend to see some indie music at central park or doing an obstacle course in upstate New York. That is completely, me!

I know that whenever music has not been in my life, I have been sad, so I will continue to stay true to myself.

I finally got around to buying ‘the trumpet bible’ which is basically Arban’s huge book of lip slurs, scales, and etudes for trumpet. I don’t think any brass player knows it by the title Arban’s, everyone I talk to always refers to it as the ‘trumpet bible’, so will I.

I will try and play trumpet everyday (but Sunday) and hopefully fit right into the pep band and perhaps concert band? I’m curious to see what mallet opportunities I may be able to find though.

Alright, so all that stands in my way is baccalaureate, physics final, chemistry final, and three more days of school.

Also, I really wanted to be Valedictorian.
I'm not!
THANK GOD. I'm not even kidding, it's liberating to be crushed sometimes and to come back down to planet earth. It's nice here. I learned more from my first B then I think I learned in entire year of some classes.

EDIT:
So I read this over again and realized how overbearing this may sound and I also realized what an amazing life I have.

No, I'm not going to apologize for being spoiled, but I will acknowledge that I am.

Just know, I don't take things for granted.

Stuff like that - revelations like this - is why I am joining the military. Look what my country has given me, look what my friends have done for me! Why wouldn't I want to protect that and work for it and give back to everyone?

Yes.

I realize it's not that simple and I know I'm really naive but that's why they're flinging me into the real world really soon. Even then, I know college is the closest to utopia one can find so I will try not to get too pompous.

Someone punch me when I do. One nice go to my stomach and I'll be like, woops sorry about all that.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Spinning

Lets call this an intermission because I have a bunch of words still left to share with you for a long since passed Lent, but I have been contemplating other things as well and dealing with the normal things in life. I just got a little too distracted.

That was my complicated way of saying, hey, my motivation has been lacking.

As of today, there are about seven days until I graduate and am finally done with high school.

Life has its ups and downs but sometimes I forget how much I love that. I love learning and comparing. If life were perfect 100 percent of the time, I guarantee you wouldn't notice. When you have turmoil, a hug can make you burst into tears from the pure appreciation of that attention.

I wish... a lot of things different. I wish I said more and wasn't afraid and appreciated more and spoke more.

Edit:
You are amazing, always.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Day 14 When God Seems Distant

{}


Life sucks but it goes on so I suppose you just have to fix mistakes and when you have you'll realize that God didn't give you more than you can handle. I hate it when I am still working through something though and someone tries to reassure me of something by saying that because I haven't quite handled it yet.

So, who is to say I can.

Hindsight bias.

Day 13 Worship That Pleases God

{}


I didn't read all of this chapter because I most adamantly believe that if there truly is a God, he would not care the way in which you devoted yourself to him. One ritual cannot fit everyone. I mean, sure, going to church is probably better than not going to church. Church is a way to easily make time for him in your life and to be with others who believe what you do and to be lead by those more familiar or more used to a certain way.

That is some good stuff.

I wouldn't say that's the only way though and that is why God is beautiful. He can strike you on the middle of a long stretch of highway or on a walk through your neighborhood or in the middle of a dance floor.

He can be anywhere and everywhere.

Day 12 Developing Your Friendship With God

{}


Sometimes, God is as mean as your best girl friend. Just read the bible.

It's so hard for me to fathom.

Day 11 Becoming Best Friends With God

{}


I don't think you have to say everything to God. I think you should say hello, this is what I feel guilty about but even that, I wonder.

I mean, what would you know if you just stopped half of the nonsense everyone gets their selves into.

I've got to do x, y, and z by this time and see that person by this time and worry about this and that and everything.

Well, what would happen if everything stopped? Would you finally figure out the reason to keep going? Sometimes I wonder. If it weren't for the incessant chatter in my life, would I even get out of bed but maybe something else would come in. I don't know.

I can't say I pray daily but I believe mediation for 5 minutes would be a challenge. Prove me wrong?

Day 10 The Heart of Worship

{}


Whatever you do, do it with all your heart.

That is what I got from today's chapter and really can't find much words to say it better.

Day 9 What Makes God Smile?

{}


When I first learned about the story of Noah's Ark, I was really excited. The basic interpretation to me, as a little kid that went to Sunday School and conferred with my peers - we were all related! We were all brothers and sisters! This made me really excited because I am an only child and I just loved the fact that my best friends were related to me.

Now I realize what the true point of the story is and how devastating and chilling it really is. It is a story of horror.

There are two sides to each story. How can you evaluate without knowing all the sides and so, how can you judge a person?

It bugs me about today's society about our classification of what the Bible says sinning is.

Lying is a sin and I can assure you that we have all done it and yet none of us are condemned like those who happen to be gay are.

Things like that get me.

Only God can weigh the price of a sin be it adultery or a white lie.

We have no right to say one is worse than another.

That being said, the best religions seem to be the ones that lead by example.

Christianity is appealing because it shares the message of love. What is religion without it's people. Can you judge all of Christianity for a bigoted few? How can you tell what's what when you've got 20 interpretations flying at you? How can you just feel it?

Day 8 Planned for God's Pleasure

{}


What makes me keep reading and wanting to understand is the mere fact that every human has a need to worship - has a need to connect with some sort of believe system.

It's like an instinct.

But who... or what? Gave us this.

But then I know the other side of the argument.

It's an instinct to protect us - to question what we don't know because what we don't know has a potential to be dangerous.

I am not sure if I can say the curiosity is supposed to be quenched in the case of mortality and ruling and creation. Maybe we filled up these mysteries with something as a way to adapt to say okay, I don't know the answer but here is my next guess and now I can worry about other things that need attention.

I couldn't tell you if a snake is laying beneath a rock but I would pick it up anyway to know for sure with the risk of getting stung, but at least I could prepare for the sting. So, that's what religion is, picking up rocks until you die I suppose.

In this journey I believe I am okay with the risk of the snake beneath the rock. It's okay by me and if I never find a snake, I will always have my heart beat a little faster in anticipation when I try the next rock, just in case.

Day 7 The Reason for Everything

{}

When I pray to God, it is usually quite awkward. In Elizabeth Gilbert's words, I almost wanted to start off any prayer with, 'I'm a big fan of your work.' I just never know what to say. I think it's important to understand that who you are is vital. Without you, things would be different and vapid. I couldn't tell you if it would be better or worse because I don't think either of those words would be appropriate. I think it would just be different. Think of the life you lead now and those you affected. You've made someone laugh or picked up someone from an airport. Simple things but... they happened. Perhaps, it is just living until today that is super amazing because right now is the oldest you've ever been.

I don't know if I could offer any advice besides simply talking to him more - not just through a secretarial way of doing things but an actual face to face conversation as often as you think of God. You don't have to call him your home skillet because I for one, am uncomfortable with such and idea, but why not at least look him in the eye and say, how do you do?

Every once in a while.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Day 6 Life is a Temporary Assignment

{}


Live everyday like it is your last.

Everyone has heard that bit of advice that I think sometimes are desensitized and don't really take it to heart.

But here's the thing, you're never going to get a day back so why not feel like your worked hard, fell in love, or became better friends with someone?

This is all you've really got.

And there might be an afterlife but that afterlife is guaranteed not to be the same as today. So, do something only you can do.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Day 5 Seeing Life from God's View

{}


"Show class, have pride, and display character. If you do, winning takes care of itself."

Those are the words I live by.

I think it is necessary to define the word winning.

On Saturday, I performed with my indoor percussion group. We performed twice. I had the best adrenaline rush and performed with all my heart and had an incredible amount of fun. I couldn't wait to hear our score! We begged our director to tell us and he refused to let us know but all of our staff - visual staff, music staff, drill staff - honestly told us it was the best show we had ever done.

We were all so excited.

Then, we learned at this competition we had went down 10 points or so. Something incredibly dramatic.

Our hearts dropped. We contemplated how such a thing could happen we played our hearts out! We had another performance in front of the same judges in only a couple hours. What could we fix that could raise our score in such a short amount of time.

We worked really hard. We added in visuals and played with all our might.

I had not had the kind of laughs I had that night in such a long time! I was near tears.

We went up 2 points - not enough to compete with any of the other groups, but guess what? We won in my book.





Inspirational Video Featuring Ali and the following words:


Ima show you, how great I am.

Last night I cut the light off in my bedroom, hit the switch, and was in the bed before the room was dark.

Ima show you, how great I am.

Only last week, I murdered a rock, injured a stone, hospitalized a brick, Im so mean I make medicine sick.

Ima show you, how great I am.

This kids gonna be the best kid in the world.
This kids gonna be somebody better than anybody I ever knew.

Ima show you, how great I am.

I have wrastled with an alligator, I done tussled with a whale, I done handcuffed lightnin, thrown thunder in jail.

Ima show you, how great I am.

All you chumps are gonna bow when I whoop him, all of you, I know you got him, I know youve got him picked, but the mans in trouble, Ima show you how great I am.

But somewhere along the line you changed, you stopped being you.
You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you youre no good, and when things got hard, you started looking for something to blame, like a big shadow.
Let me tell you something you already know, the world aint all sunshine and rainbows, its a very mean and nasty place and I dont care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.
You, me, or nobody, is gonna hit as hard as life; but it aint about how hard you hit, its about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take and keep moving forward.
Thats how winning is done.

Cause if youre willin to go through all the battling you gotta go through to get to where you wanna get, whos got the right to stop you.
I mean maybe some of you guys got something you never finished, something you really want to do, something you never said to somebody, something.
And youre told no even after you pay your dues, whos got the right to tell you that, who? Nobody.
Its your right to listen to your gut, it aint nobodys right to say no, after you earn the right to be where you want to be and do what you want to do.

Now if you know what youre worth, then go out and get what youre worth.
But youve gotta be willing to take the hits.
And not pointing fingers saying you aint where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody.
Cowards do that and that aint you!
Youre better than that!

Day 4 Made to Last Forever

{}


Here is the biggest rift between God and I: The afterlife.

To me, Heaven and perfection would be no longer living. It would be an honor to simply expire. Christianity keeps telling me that this life is only the entry way into another life that is much brighter and thus, Earth friendships and passions will mean less as a relationship is developed with God.

Am I so wrapped up in this life, so full of sin, that the idea of heaven makes me absolutely sad! Why would I want my life to mean nothing?

The Dalai Lama said that Christianity and Buddhism could be practiced at the same time.
The Pope said that they couldn't.

This is where they diverge but lets say we don't know what is heaven.

Which in reality, we don't.

Both ideal sets attempt to perfect a human being during this lifetime in order to prepare of the next. One says you will be forever in eternity and glory while the other one says you just stop. Having another life means you still need to learn things.

I will go through this life learning things. Perhaps, I am meant to learn that an earthly life shouldn't be as important as I make it out to be.

Day 3 What Drives Your Life

{}


I was confused by today's entry because I feel like you can live a purpose driven life without God.

Yes, religion brings about hope but so do family and friends and life.

I think, when you find the reason to get out of bed in the morning, you can start being happy. Once you are happy, you can finally relax and start adding the little tidbits to life such as church service or community service.

Work for someone other than yourself and you will find a reason to live.

Day 2 You Are Not an Accident

{}


Okay, so here I am: Reading about God.

From MOST Christian literature I have noticed that many insist that God has planned out my life. He sat down and said, here is Anne. She will be born to these parents in this country and meet these people. Honestly, I find that kind of sad. So, does that mean my hard work was predetermined? That horrible people were predetermined. I definitely either am too ignorant to understand or simply do not believe.

Here's the thing - we have free will.

This I am sure of. No, I don't mean we get to choose what we eat for dinner or what color to paint your nails. That's decision making but it is not what free will is. Free will, to me, is deciding when to work and how hard and where to go and for how long. I honestly probably cannot explain it in its full depth until something takes it away from me since it is in so many aspects in our life. That's what I think the exciting part of life is. Would God plan our every aspect and know we would be lead astray?

No.

You decide and that's why God loves you so much. You decided to let him into your life.

What's the point of living if everything was planned out.

Rick Warren might disagree with me but my life experience has taught me not to trust everything I have read. Not to disrespect The Purpose Driven Life, but literature, be it the Bible or books to increase faith are not meant to be followed word for word - and again, I would have people disagree with me. It is an inspiration.

1 Peter 3:1-3
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;

This says that women should not wear gold or make themselves look attractive.

Perhaps, instead of not wearing gold it is merely a reminder to tone down the vanity.

All these complicated translations make me weary but it all comes back to God, is my understanding. Are you living to improve your relationship with him?

The argument could be that you can have premarital sex if you don't think that will affect your relationship with Him. Personally, I find it hard to believe that God would send sinners to Hell for things like that.

But of course, I don't know and don't think adultery would improve any religious life I may have so thus, I don't do it but it is not my place to judge those that do.

Get it?

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Day 1 It All Starts With God

{}


While, I have heard it often, I don't exactly know what it means. I think it is because I am too ignorant so correct me if I am wrong (or explain it): Religion, Christianity specifically, is a way to understand that the world does not center around you. It isn't about you. It's about serving a higher purpose.

A couple years ago I was talking to a good friend of mine about religion and was trying to understand. I was citing science experiments and he was citing the bible. I was getting frustrated because lets say I believed in God and was one of his strongest believers - I think that citing the bible would be the weakest argument one could use with a 'nonbeliever'. You are essentially trying to convince them with a source they do not believe to be reputable.

While this discussion ensued, I kept trying to explain this to him, and by doing so I used many 'I' statements.

I don't find the bible to be a valid source.
Why are you saying that.
How did you come to that conclusion.
How can I think like that.

He on the other hand made statements that were broader in context.

Christians believe in the bible.
The Church came to this conclusion.
Gods wants his people to be saved.

It was quickly pointed out to me that I couldn't understand religion until I could understand that it wasn't about myself.

I was confused.

To me, religion is a very personal journey and thus, very much so worthy of statements concerned about myself.

I do not think I can get over this but I think I understand the basic structure of what he and many others were trying to tell me.

It's about the community.

Which is true.

The community and others always comes first.

Often times, I find it rather amusing that the two service groups I am a part of, National Honor Society and Kiwanis Key Club, make reference to serving God and country. I might have to double check about NHS but this is the Key Club motto:

I pledge on my honor to uphold the objects of Key Club International;
to build my home, school, and community;
to serve my nation and God and to combat all forces
which tend to undermine these institutions.

So, I currently believe that 'I' is very much a part of religion but here's the thing, once you start sacrificing, you can build your community.

He may have a plan but He also gave us free will. This I am sure of.

The Purpose Driven Life

{}


Today is the first day of Lent. While I do not attend church, I find the period to be really interesting and I like the basis of it and according to the article, it really varies from person to person anyway.

Last year for Lent, I abstained from Facebook for 40 days. The small test was further increased by my friend who posted on my wall for 40 days - needless to say, the joy of lent was shared by everyone who made their way to the news feed.

I think for the most part, that was a pretty decent Lent practice! I was a little behind in the socializing news, but that's okay because I really need to stop obsessing over other people's lives, and I finished a lot more homework. I could do it again this year, but thanks to my New Year's Resolution (which I am still going strong at) I am consistently ahead in the world of homework.

This year, I want to go on a more 40 day religious journey. Not to be religious per say, but just to have an excuse to have time for it. Almost like meditation with a computer - I'll try and blog every day.

On the whole idea of Lent:
To me, Lent prepares you for Easter. While giving up something silly like junk food or social networking, it still is the symbolism. You're consciously aware of your religion, even in this superficial manner, for 40 days. For 40 days, you have to explain to others why and what you're doing and it allows you to count down the days until Easter. By cleansing oneself, perhaps through fasting, it is a symbol of what the goal is to be - free of sin. Perhaps, a reminder to confess and repent.

While some may disagree with me 100 percent, this is the gist I have right now. Like I said, I don't go to church and I certainly don't have a degree in religious or Christian studies, I would like to make this very clear now.

My understanding of Christianity, though very limited, is that everything is done to further one's relationship with God and Jesus Christ. While not required or viewed as an appropriate religious practice by some groups of Christians, my personal opinion is that Lent is a form of making that relationship a little deeper.

My relationship with God is really poor I would say because well, I don't know how often I believe in him but I really think my case is unique. Which is true for everyone: Everyone's relationship with God and Jesus Christ is unique.

I just think religion is incredibly beautiful. Perhaps that is a little to Elizabeth Gilbert of me.

I promised my grandfather I would do this a long time ago so, here we go:
The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren

I will be contemplating religion with this book and everything else for the next 40 days.

That is going to be my Lent 2011. I think blogging is the best way to do it because that is who I am. It is what works for me.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

DOOOD.

I talked to a friend I used to know from indoor percussion tonight.
She used to live in New England.
Told me about indoor percussion line that is only 45 minutes away from college I'll probably going to.
THEY HAVE TRAINS FROM GRAND CENTRAL TERMINAL TO STAMFORD ALL. THE. TIME.
Only 4.50 for round trip.

I'm dying.
FROM HAPPY.

Friday, February 25, 2011

On Being Sorta Smart, Decently Pretty, and Really Really Awkward

Inspired by a blog that inspires me daily, or whenever I remember to look at it: http://smartprettyandawkward.com.

However you would like to measure 'smart':
Believe it or not, my senior year is probably the easiest year of my high school career and I would have to say my frosh year was one of my hardest. That being said I feel like starting something new really messes with you for a lack of a more eloquent way to express myself - it sucks. For example, I had a week long internship, also know as a Senior Exit Project to those that are in my school district, that left me so physically and mentally tired. I would come home from selling musical instruments (why yes, my SEP was music retail...) and fall face down onto my bed. It wasn't even a hard job! I stood around and convinced people I knew all about string instruments and yes, that tape is necessary for playing the drums (it isn't). Being constantly alert really got my heart rate up and kept me on my toes.

On that note, I kind of enjoy that really intense feeling of trying hard.

It only lasts a short while before it starts to fade away. In Fusion, a drumline I am in, I feel myself trying a little bit less which is a shame. I am starting to become complacent but before I always felt like I needed to be constantly practicing. Now, I'm starting to plateau which is really scary because I am still not close to perfect. I only say this because I finally found some motivation to get off my bum and start working on music and other aspects of my life a little bit more now. This is good.

If I could just keep inspiration alive for more that a little bit I might actually have a way more productive life.

Which is why I find it nice to say I've been able to go to bed at a decent hour these days which is really exciting for both me and my health. I figure if I am not in the homework mood I am just not going to get anything done so I need to either a. go to sleep or b. get in the homework mood. Going to sleep of course means waking up early and actually making good on my promise to wake up early which is much harder than it seems. So far, so good. Of course I do have incentive lately. If my grades slip, I loose privileges such as getting to be on Fusion for example or hanging out with friends. Also, bad grades means more stress when it comes to finals time.

When it comes to being smart, it is much more than a test score but instead, I think smart is really a life decision. You can be the smartest person in the world with the worst grades as everyone knows, and I think that's pretty stupid. Of course, it's pretty stupid doing something you don't like so what is smart? Doing something that makes you happy! In my case, I enjoy being organized and productive so I can achieve things outside of the classroom such as half marathons and vibraphone skills.

Why I don't wear makeup:
Honestly, I have gotten totally lazy about the way I look. I think that is also a contribution to me being stressed but honestly, I am not doing too bad, in my opinion. Usually, if I know I am going to have a stressful day I dress really really pretty. I wear a favorite skirt and a fluffy shirt and wear my 'date night' perfume - the whole nine yards. I figure that way, I at least don't have to worry about my appearance and thus have a little confidence.

But two weeks ago my acne prescription ran out and my skin isn't that bad. It's not perfect and maybe by next week I will look horrible but I think perhaps I would like to try over the counter brands instead of prescription and see what happens - save some money. Also, I've been wearing less makeup which is good news for my skin I'm sure. It isn't like I used lots of makeup before. I only used a bronzer and this thing called a cover stick (??) so I would look less tired. I'm getting more sleep so that seemed unnecessary. We shall see. The makeup brand I use went bankrupt so now I feel like I have the whole market opened up to me but when I opened this book about teenage beauty I saw the 'essentials' page.

It made me really sad!

It had perhaps 20 items that were needed for daily wear. Perhaps that is the norm but... I really hope not. Most of my friends need half of what they wear, if any, and the other half refuses to let me see them without makeup so I couldn't tell you truthfully.

I could go on a large rant about how horrible media and the makeup industry is, but I won't especially since I kind of like putting on the limited makeup I use and find the packaging really fun to have in my bathroom.

I just think people should cut down - it's better for your skin anyway.

Also, experiment! Which is what I hope to start doing. You don't want to be wearing exactly what you wore freshmen year of high school to your last day of your senior year in college because people and bodies change and a little refreshing change is nice to keep you perky. That is my opinion at least and obviously I am not a beauty expert.

Perhaps, I'll keep you updated on this one.

It also is good to note that I am soon to become financially independent and must adjust to this by cutting back or simply switching and honestly I hate visiting the doctor for more acne medication. It's a pain.

We all would really like to not feel awkward:
So, back when MySpace was cool... it was really fun decorating my profile with fancy images and glittering whatevers. One of my favorite ways to bling up my page was with icons/avatars. These little 100 x 100 photos could really tell my life story! One that was fairly popular to post within my group of friends from school said: I'm the type of girl that laughs at things that happened yesterday.

I never posted this because everyone else posted it. I couldn't be like everyone else, obviously. So, I just secretly agreed with it and felt proud to be cute in the way that this icon was cute. I also had this vague turmoil brewing at the back of my mind - none of these girls laughed at in the middle of silence. In fact, they often told me how uncomfortable silence was to them. At the time, I had never experienced an awkward silence before.

The moral of my story is - it's really cool these days to be nerdy or awkward as one would say such as laughing randomly about something you are thinking about or wearing glasses and being shy but when it comes down to it - it's only romanticized.

It really confuses me.

But back to the whole awkward silence thing.

I think I've only had an awkward silence feel awkward once. A lot of people suddenly burst out, "THIS IS SO AWKWARD!" Well, it wasn't until you said something. Most silences are quite comfortable to me and if they aren't - it's best to say nothing because they are what they are. If you don't make it awkward then it isn't awkward. Situations are only labeled as such because the general consensus was that it was awkward - well what if the general consensus was that it was peaceful or nice or content or happy? Keep that in mind. I try to.

Also, anyone who has known me for more than a month knows I occasionally break out into random laughter. I like to use this opportunity to make the people around me laugh as well because I like stories and if I can bring them to the moment I just thought of, I have just won points on my meter of socializing. It's a way to practice writing and blogging verbally. Maybe, I'm just that nerdy.

I want to be 'the hilarious one' but I most certainly wouldn't mind being known as the 'smart, pretty, and only a little awkward one'.



You know what's awkward? The music video for Firework by Katy Perry. There are sparks coming out of what?!?!!

Look, I just made this really uncomfortable.

Monday, January 24, 2011

John Updike Would Say

I am happy, not all consuming happy that makes me want to jump for joy, but normal happy - content.

I have lots of things to look forward to and lots of things to work on.

What else is there to keep a mind busy?

Actually, have this week passes I think I'll have a lot of school projects done and music memorized and perfected.

Then, I'll have to find more things to work on, or different things.

Oh wait, I signed up to run a half marathon in March :D! Then I need to not be the weakest link on Fusion, I don't know if I am, but I don't want to be 'that guy' and it is still a lot of fun and I like the added pressure for some pain loving reason.

Annnndd we now have rehearsals on a few Thursdays to prepare for DISNEYLAND.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Tiny Tragedies

My congresswoman, Gabrielle Giffords, was shot today. She remains in critical condition. A number of other people died in this shooting.

She was always visible in the community. She put on so many military academy help days which is what I personally would know her best for. To apply to an academy is a multistep process involving an elected official, congress or senate, to sponser you. She always put on programs to help us high schoolers. She was shot while doing 'Congress at the Corner' or something to that affect. Basically, she was getting to know people right near where I live.

Not only are the deaths and injuries tragic.
What does it mean though?
Are they going to start attacking gun laws?
Will we never see any of our elected officials anymore?

I love seeing my elected officials and getting to know them. Just recently we had a woman politics day at my school and so many people of both parties came and we got to meet them and it was amazing.

I have always had an affinity for politics.

I'm not saying the programs are more important than lives because preserving people and their welfare is the most important thing in the world, that's just a given. This is just things that aren't being addressed yet and will only be shown in the future.

We painted our indoor percussion mat today. It was weird though, not hearing about Giffords until lunch break. It was weird thinking that about half an hour away, a place where I hang out sometimes involving a woman I've shook hands with.

On a guilty note, I had fun painting the mat and getting to know my fellow musicians.

Hopefully, we all become fairly close.

Unfortunetly, I was looking at the logisitics of my life for next year...

This is probably the last year I'll be able to be in a music group.

I mean, Fordham has a pep band and such but it seems weird as in, I have no idea how it works (there aren't any auditions) and what do I even play anymore? Mellophone? French horn? Trumpet? Percussion? And if I'm a percussionist, I play mallet percussion. Do they even have that in a pep band atmosphere and if I did concert atmosphere, I have never played auxillary percussion so, I'm useless.

Plus, I'll have other things going on... running, perhaps one day rifle team, ROTC, school in general, Circle K.

...and there isn't an indoor group closer than 2 hours away.

Yeah.

Well, first I suppose I should figure out this season's music and make it the best season ever.