Why I Like Jr. Year

I found this on my facebook notes application thing. It was under my drafts. I've written so much on that website that I never published but I read this and it helped me overcome some burnt out feelings I've been having.

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When I think about high school, I find I always think about frosh year. It was just so different. In middle school, we were fighting for the chance not to have to walk in lines. High school meant free range and no one was going to hold my hand. I always find myself acting much older when I look back, too.

"I remember, once, my freshmen year..."

I'm not old, that's the thing. Maybe I'm talking a bit too early but I feel like this year is going to be incredible. It's not because anything got any better or that things have changed much here in this town. It's just that...finally everything is how it was.

I really don't know where I'm going with this and that is absolutely wonderous. I don't know if anyone who ends up reading this knows, but my frosh year I had a myspace and I enjoyed blogging on it. But the thing is, my frosh blog...was incredibly random. At least, what I remember. My brain just wanting to explode because it couldn't get all its ideas and passion out at once. So, I would ramble.

and ramble and ramble. It had no direction.

Mostly, it was about running and marching band. These are the two things that have defined me since the first day of school. Joining cross country was a bit random on my part, I actually have no idea why I joined but I'm glad I did! I think a part of me had already given up on basketball or maybe I just thought running was a cool sport. Yes, that's it! I always thought the girls in track and field looked like they were having a lot of fun so I joined cross country to become a better runner by the time track came along. I had always wanted to join marching band though. Even if it's such a weird thing to do if you think about it; Making shapes on football fields holding up shiny things.

These couple days of junior year have been great. Sophomore year was alright. It wasn't made of awesome though. Sophomore year felt really restrictive, not in the middle school way but in a quieter way. It was just very grey. I didn't hate it but grey gets boring after awhile. I didn't have much passion. I, unfortunetly, thrive on passion and inspiration. There was no inspiration but the poster that covered the windows in math class.

I probably just had some teenage angst going on, but whateva whateva.

This year feels like how freshmen year and sophomore year was supposed to be. All massed up into one.

This year I'm a drum major. Basically, I'm the person that waves my hands around.

It's so much more than that, though. I'd like to say I've got some leadership experience under my belt but what does that really mean? I could probably talk about what it means to be a leader for a long time. Days. But out of everything I've collected from my life, I've learned the most from being a drum major. More than half I've only learned since July.

Also, I would like to take this moment to say that a leader isn't about the limelight. It's not about getting to stand on a podium nor is it about being able to say you did lead. If that's all someone is in it for, then they never did lead.

Whatever it takes to be a leader though, I'm still working on it and I like it.

What is the best part is getting to know a lot of people a lot more closer then I think I get to if I just play brass.

But a less explainable reason why I like it is I do get to stand in the front. It's not for feeling in charge or thinking people are watching me, no not at all. I feel the music. Instead of the physical and mental task of the drill and music on the turf, it's glorious to feel music.

No, I'm not on anything! ahaha.

I've always know that percussion for example, makes vibrations. But do you know how physically thick it actually feels like intermingled with brass and woodwinds. It's like butter...but much less greasy. When I wave my hands around, it feels like magic. One of these days I just want to go to a brass or percussion sectional and just stand on a ladder with my hands raised above my head. Of course, people would ask what I'm doing...that could get complicated to explain. I don't think people would believe it if I told them I was doing drum major yoga..darn.

I equate this joy of something ridiculous like this to passion. It's like touching inspiration. I don't know, maybe it would make more sense to compare the feeling of the music to the same feeling that really nice minor chords giving you shivers. Percussion and brass vibration is, instead of goosebumbs, a warm blanket.

Yesterday, I watched five hours of DCI (Marching Music's Major League). That was pretty intense. I enjoyed the music and of course all the marching was impressive! DCI is very innovative. I don't know why, I've just always loved it. I saw DCI the summer before my frosh year. The Academy were the first preformers - they made me say WOW out loud. I've never been that impressed before. They started off the show with an immediate crisp and loud sound. Later in the show were bands like Santa Clara and Blue Devils. Both those bands won all the captions, of course! I remember people teaching me everything about marching band and it so crazy to see the differences between bands. Even how crisp turns were made was a way to figure out how a band compared to another.

But that's not all I thought about yesterday - I thought about people who I love.

Extracurriculars are hard. You spend time doing them and as far as band goes - I spend more time with them in marching season then I do with my family. Band is my family sometimes.

Where am I going with this?

I don't know but everytime I see the football field, my heart swells.
July 15, 2007 - Sunday Excited for upcoming season.

I can honestly say that I have never been so excited about a season than this one!! The members are all great, and the brass section is so dedicated. A huge improvement from the past years and I hope something special happens for these kids because they deserve it.

- Eat it up.

If You Leave, I Hope You Need to Come Back

Just a quick description of the past few days.

Wow, life has been so busy.

It hasn’t really been horrible but it has just been action packed. Most recently, on Friday I went to a large invitational for track that was about two hours away from our school. My event, the 3200m, was the first to happen. I was supposed to run a 13:50 but unfortunately, I ran a 14:14. My PR is a 13:51. Oh well! It was super hot too. So, I spent the next 10 hours drifting in and out of consciousness.

I don’t really know the varsity team. I mean, I am varsity. Or, my uniform is and they let me go to invitational and whatever but during practice I just finish the workout and go on my merry way. I sort of got to know the people this time around.

I was worried that maybe things were going to be different in the future but I think if anything is going to be different, it is because it is going to be better.

On another note, I am most definitely not a fan of grass. At 9PM the school we were at decided to water the grass and my goodness, I could not stop sneezing and was grumpy for the rest of the night. Sneezing takes a lot out of me.

The next morning was a middle school track meet my high school likes to put on. It went pretty smoothly, unlike last time! Bianca and I tried to find shade while doing homework.

After we had an adventure out and about in town, I went with some of the senior cymbal players to see a performance down at the university. My friend Kyle was there as well, he is thinking about trying out for cymbals as well, so that’s exciting.

I saw Erika! She is pretty cool beans and I love talking to her.

Can’t think of much else besides all nighters and running out of energy drinks.

This Monday I’ll be taking a tour of the university just to see.

I'd Much Rather Sing to You

I think people spend most of their time looking for something that means anything. They want to find the perfect moment and then live in it forever. That’s why, at least in high school, people go crazy about relationships whether it is the drama, the flirting, or the day dreaming.

I think I once found a perfect moment and when I think about it, I smile.

I was a freshmen and was at, of all things, an indoor brass performance sitting on the mat before we took the basketball court to play our show. Everyone was so relaxed and joking with each other. It was just so comfortable.

Then, the color guard group before us, started to dance. It was my favorite type of choreography, as far as what I could come up with anyway. They threw rifles at least five feet and sabers twice that height. What was the show they were performing you ask? Anberlin’s, The Unwinding Cable Car.

That was the first time I heard that song and I fell in love with it. I didn’t even know who Anberlin was, let alone if they were Christian or not. I just liked the song.

It reminded me of feeling happy and it reminded me of a friend. No, it reminds me of friends.

Sometimes, friendships fall apart and that is life. It’s only sad if you tried your hardest and yet seem to be getting nothing in return on the other side. I have to tell you though, I’ve never heard of a friendship failing if one person is doing all they can do.

But time is the meanest adversary.

I was blessed to be able to talk to one of my good friends from last year. She graduated from high school when I became a junior but we used to do everything together at school. This year has been different for me and it sounds like it has been different for her, too.

I hate it when I ‘can’t find time’ to send out a letter or I am too afraid to send an instant message to someone on AIM.

Small things like that.

It should also be interesting to note that I do not relate myself to the Unwinding Cable Car, only other people.