I found this on my facebook notes application thing. It was under my drafts. I've written so much on that website that I never published but I read this and it helped me overcome some burnt out feelings I've been having.
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When I think about high school, I find I always think about frosh year. It was just so different. In middle school, we were fighting for the chance not to have to walk in lines. High school meant free range and no one was going to hold my hand. I always find myself acting much older when I look back, too.
"I remember, once, my freshmen year..."
I'm not old, that's the thing. Maybe I'm talking a bit too early but I feel like this year is going to be incredible. It's not because anything got any better or that things have changed much here in this town. It's just that...finally everything is how it was.
I really don't know where I'm going with this and that is absolutely wonderous. I don't know if anyone who ends up reading this knows, but my frosh year I had a myspace and I enjoyed blogging on it. But the thing is, my frosh blog...was incredibly random. At least, what I remember. My brain just wanting to explode because it couldn't get all its ideas and passion out at once. So, I would ramble.
and ramble and ramble. It had no direction.
Mostly, it was about running and marching band. These are the two things that have defined me since the first day of school. Joining cross country was a bit random on my part, I actually have no idea why I joined but I'm glad I did! I think a part of me had already given up on basketball or maybe I just thought running was a cool sport. Yes, that's it! I always thought the girls in track and field looked like they were having a lot of fun so I joined cross country to become a better runner by the time track came along. I had always wanted to join marching band though. Even if it's such a weird thing to do if you think about it; Making shapes on football fields holding up shiny things.
These couple days of junior year have been great. Sophomore year was alright. It wasn't made of awesome though. Sophomore year felt really restrictive, not in the middle school way but in a quieter way. It was just very grey. I didn't hate it but grey gets boring after awhile. I didn't have much passion. I, unfortunetly, thrive on passion and inspiration. There was no inspiration but the poster that covered the windows in math class.
I probably just had some teenage angst going on, but whateva whateva.
This year feels like how freshmen year and sophomore year was supposed to be. All massed up into one.
This year I'm a drum major. Basically, I'm the person that waves my hands around.
It's so much more than that, though. I'd like to say I've got some leadership experience under my belt but what does that really mean? I could probably talk about what it means to be a leader for a long time. Days. But out of everything I've collected from my life, I've learned the most from being a drum major. More than half I've only learned since July.
Also, I would like to take this moment to say that a leader isn't about the limelight. It's not about getting to stand on a podium nor is it about being able to say you did lead. If that's all someone is in it for, then they never did lead.
Whatever it takes to be a leader though, I'm still working on it and I like it.
What is the best part is getting to know a lot of people a lot more closer then I think I get to if I just play brass.
But a less explainable reason why I like it is I do get to stand in the front. It's not for feeling in charge or thinking people are watching me, no not at all. I feel the music. Instead of the physical and mental task of the drill and music on the turf, it's glorious to feel music.
No, I'm not on anything! ahaha.
I've always know that percussion for example, makes vibrations. But do you know how physically thick it actually feels like intermingled with brass and woodwinds. It's like butter...but much less greasy. When I wave my hands around, it feels like magic. One of these days I just want to go to a brass or percussion sectional and just stand on a ladder with my hands raised above my head. Of course, people would ask what I'm doing...that could get complicated to explain. I don't think people would believe it if I told them I was doing drum major yoga..darn.
I equate this joy of something ridiculous like this to passion. It's like touching inspiration. I don't know, maybe it would make more sense to compare the feeling of the music to the same feeling that really nice minor chords giving you shivers. Percussion and brass vibration is, instead of goosebumbs, a warm blanket.
Yesterday, I watched five hours of DCI (Marching Music's Major League). That was pretty intense. I enjoyed the music and of course all the marching was impressive! DCI is very innovative. I don't know why, I've just always loved it. I saw DCI the summer before my frosh year. The Academy were the first preformers - they made me say WOW out loud. I've never been that impressed before. They started off the show with an immediate crisp and loud sound. Later in the show were bands like Santa Clara and Blue Devils. Both those bands won all the captions, of course! I remember people teaching me everything about marching band and it so crazy to see the differences between bands. Even how crisp turns were made was a way to figure out how a band compared to another.
But that's not all I thought about yesterday - I thought about people who I love.
Extracurriculars are hard. You spend time doing them and as far as band goes - I spend more time with them in marching season then I do with my family. Band is my family sometimes.
Where am I going with this?
I don't know but everytime I see the football field, my heart swells.
July 15, 2007 - Sunday Excited for upcoming season.
I can honestly say that I have never been so excited about a season than this one!! The members are all great, and the brass section is so dedicated. A huge improvement from the past years and I hope something special happens for these kids because they deserve it.
- Eat it up.
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