Overplanning, or why some people call me type A.

When I was in sixth grade, I told myself I was going to attend the United States Military Academy. I went on to the website at least every month, checking and rechecking requirements. I knew what steps I needed to take – I just had to be in the best math class available in middle school, I needed to be on student council, and who could forget about National JUNIOR Honor Society?

By eighth grade, I had a list of required classes for entry into USMA. Each year, I would cross out the classes I completed and would forgo classes like band and art to make room for things like AP economics and AP biology.

I kept this up until senior year, where the last requirements I needed on that list was chemistry and physics.

Things changed rapidly that summer though, when I visited West Point and took a tour and did the whole Summer Leaders Seminar.

In fact, I removed my application from the pool of applicants after already receiving a presidential nomination and making appointments with my congresswomen.

Now, I am getting ready to enroll in a ROTC program at a liberal arts school that’s private and Catholic.

When I was younger, I promised myself that I would never ever let anyone come between me and school. I ended up dating the most fabulous guy, and guess what, my grades didn’t suffer and I had the time of my life. In fact, senior year was probably really nice because I did end up getting to know someone more than my usual, "hey how are you? That's great!" Instead it was, "What do you think of that, how would you do this, what's your favorite song?"

I became drum major not because it looked good on a resume but because it was my passion!

The first month of senior year, I literally cried almost every day. I did not want to join cross country! I loved running but I just couldn’t find my passion for the team, but I had promised myself I would do it! People on the team were kind but I just didn’t fit in and I just couldn’t imagine going daily and being lonely and getting sick and exhausted and having to take myself away from band. Once I paid my AIA fee, I stopped crying. I was officially on the team.

I had made a commitment.

It wasn’t my best season, but it wasn't my worst. I ran at state which was on the same day as state for band (and guess what, I made it to both).

I met a couple of new friends and got closer to both.

I did four years of cross country!

Then track season came and guess what???
I didn’t join.

I had indoor percussion season to do, and track wasn’t really my place. It is quite an honor to say that I left a program better than when I entered it. It was cool being a part of a team that I know is going to win a state title in the next 3 years.

I did something for myself though by not joining track. Now comes the hard part of self discipline and keeping in shape so that ROTC can happen. If I don’t pass the physical in September, I don’t get to go to college for another year.

So, now I need to get serious because I am not 110 percent ready for that task: one physical.
I already started spending money for college…a new calculator and new camera (that was half off) for blogging. I am working on starting a new blog for when I start my new school.
Why? Because, I think it would feel mentally refreshing to have a new blog with new rules. I plan to blog every Sunday on that one and post photos with that blog for friends and family to see what I’m up to and such. Mostly it’s for my mother and also my own benefit – it will be pretty cool to graduate from a school out of state and be able to look at all my adventures and thoughts from it all.

I’ll be sure to post a link on facebook when I start posting on that one just so all…three people…can read it…!

I am proud to say that things didn’t go according to plan despite my tediousness. I think it’s good to aim for the moon so you can land among the stars, as they say. I aimed for West Point but instead I got ROTC which makes me so happy. Not that I want West Point now, but I was able to change my mind and pick something just as fabulous. Fordham matches me. I can live as both a civilian and a cadet in the same place – wear both skirts and uniforms while going out on the weekend to see some indie music at central park or doing an obstacle course in upstate New York. That is completely, me!

I know that whenever music has not been in my life, I have been sad, so I will continue to stay true to myself.

I finally got around to buying ‘the trumpet bible’ which is basically Arban’s huge book of lip slurs, scales, and etudes for trumpet. I don’t think any brass player knows it by the title Arban’s, everyone I talk to always refers to it as the ‘trumpet bible’, so will I.

I will try and play trumpet everyday (but Sunday) and hopefully fit right into the pep band and perhaps concert band? I’m curious to see what mallet opportunities I may be able to find though.

Alright, so all that stands in my way is baccalaureate, physics final, chemistry final, and three more days of school.

Also, I really wanted to be Valedictorian.
I'm not!
THANK GOD. I'm not even kidding, it's liberating to be crushed sometimes and to come back down to planet earth. It's nice here. I learned more from my first B then I think I learned in entire year of some classes.

EDIT:
So I read this over again and realized how overbearing this may sound and I also realized what an amazing life I have.

No, I'm not going to apologize for being spoiled, but I will acknowledge that I am.

Just know, I don't take things for granted.

Stuff like that - revelations like this - is why I am joining the military. Look what my country has given me, look what my friends have done for me! Why wouldn't I want to protect that and work for it and give back to everyone?

Yes.

I realize it's not that simple and I know I'm really naive but that's why they're flinging me into the real world really soon. Even then, I know college is the closest to utopia one can find so I will try not to get too pompous.

Someone punch me when I do. One nice go to my stomach and I'll be like, woops sorry about all that.

Spinning

Lets call this an intermission because I have a bunch of words still left to share with you for a long since passed Lent, but I have been contemplating other things as well and dealing with the normal things in life. I just got a little too distracted.

That was my complicated way of saying, hey, my motivation has been lacking.

As of today, there are about seven days until I graduate and am finally done with high school.

Life has its ups and downs but sometimes I forget how much I love that. I love learning and comparing. If life were perfect 100 percent of the time, I guarantee you wouldn't notice. When you have turmoil, a hug can make you burst into tears from the pure appreciation of that attention.

I wish... a lot of things different. I wish I said more and wasn't afraid and appreciated more and spoke more.

Edit:
You are amazing, always.